Sex and Relationship Education- gender balance, relationships and consent

A new Sex and Relationship Education curriculum is being proposed, with a public consultation later this year. This is a rare opportunity to push for the discourse to move from 'boys will be boys' and biology to teaching gender balance, consent and speaking up.

Sex crimes are increasing in schools. SRE education is currently only required in council-run schools. Even in these, it is basic. My sex education involved a pupil rolling a condom over a teachers finger, with a pregnant classmate watching from the back. Too little too late. When working in a Primary school it was of the biology of how a child is made. Nothing about healthy relationships or consent.

This is why I welcome the proposal for an update. The Children and Social Work Act 2017 is going to make SRE compulsory in all Primary and Secondary schools with a focus on internet safety but also in consent and relationships. I do not fully trust the Conservative government to get it right, seeing as they have cut domestic violence services. Healthy relationships are on the agenda but will gender stereotypes work their way in?

By the age of 6, gender stereotypes are already believed. We see a lowering of girls' self-esteem from then on in with their worth being linked to their looks. Boys have a lack of emotional vocabulary and act within the rules of 'boys will be boys'. Early Primary SRE can stop this by teaching the same behavioural expectations of all through teaching how to be a caring and supportive friend and what is unacceptable behaviour. Within this children can be taught personal space-how do I feel when..., using and listening to 'stop' or 'no', assertiveness, 'tell an adult' and consent.

Within this I do think at least an assembly and guide for parents should be incorporated on the importance of respecting a child's personal space and of teaching both genders the same behavioural expectations. How often are children made to kiss or hug an adult, or are ignored when they say 'stop' when being tickled etc? How often do we focus on 'protecting' girls rather than teaching boys?

From this grounding comes sex and puberty, healthy relationships, how to be a good partner and internet safety. Mixed classes are essential so that gender stereotypes of masculinity and femininity can be tackled. That there are different genders and sexualities and no one has to conform within any of these. Gender expectations need to be stopped. Males need to know what females experience. About periods and body hair and hormones. That contraception isn't a female responsibility and that catcalling isn't ok. Females need to understand toxic masculinity. All need to be taught body confidence, being shown 'normal' bodies compared to celebs and Photoshop and to be confident in keeping their bodies private. That a healthy relationship, which includes dating or casual, means understanding and supporting each other, not judging on looks or what the other will or won't do with you or by phone. Charities teach on consent and their programmes could be put into the curriculum. Tv and film clips could be shown where consent is blurred and pupils asked their opinion- is this right? What would you do? How would you speak up in the moment and after etc.

Internet safety is a major reason for the SRE update. The lessons on healthy friendships and relationships should be the grounding needed for children to be more internet savvy. There is a great guide here for parents so that their child feels comfortable talking to them about relationships and worrying behaviour- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-41552666.

SRE teaching needs gender balance as a main part of the curriculum so that the same behaviour is expected of all and gendered expectations in friendships and relationships are broken down. This will create confident pupils, and healthier and safer relations.

#education