House viewings, silent women and men taking charge

I have been involved with house viewings recently with couples coming to view the property, all by chance hetrosexual. Inexplicably, all the women have been silent, except for one because she came alone.

The men took charge. They asked questions. They seemed to be playing out a neolithic expectation of man provide home; man give house, even though the women were jointly involved in the monentary side. Man speak, woman follow was too much of a pattern for all the women to have just been shy.

So is this the norm? In couples do men lead in joint affairs? Were the men dominating because as a couple if was decided the man would take on househunting, if she took on organising for example the move (and hopefully not that she would then do all the chores, a much less equal deal!). Personally, I think it was more about gender norms playing out.

According to world-renowned gender communication expert Deborah Tannen, men speak to determine and achieve power and status. Women talk to determine and achieve connection. So is it that in matters of 'business' the man takes charge. So that in the house viewings, the men were trying to assert their status of being a potential tenant. Add this to the fact that men dominate speaking in work meetings, and I wonder if this gets played out when couples do business. Men jump to take charge and the women acquiesce.

We are in too modern an age for a form of coupledom where the man speaks for them both, and if they jump to take charge the women allows it to happen. It shouldn't take place in the workplace, but if it does in a relationship a submissive element comes in which is deeply unhealthy. I have no doubt that once alone the couple had an equal conversation about the viewing, but in public moments men shouldn't feel the need to take charge and women should speak up. So if you're in the middle of househunting, if you go to viewings as eqauls, make sure you stay equals when looking around.

#couples #chores