Marriage, children and surnames- mix 'em together!

Did you know there are countries where women are not allowed to take their husband's surname? Culturally in the UK the majority still do, though the numbers are falling. Gay marriage brings into question the changing of surname as a tradition of marriage and why we want to. In this game mix 'em together!

When women in the UK got married they lost their surname, simply becoming the husband's posession. Women, and their children, were the husbands property. In the 15th century we liked the idea of the unity of marriage so women then received the husbands surname. This tradition still prevails.

More women are keeping their surname's, which still confuses some forms when the maiden name is the same as the married name, as if that simply can't happen. I do understand that marriage is a new family being formed and so that idea of unity and the same surname is still desired.

There are variations, like men taking their wife's name. Which is a great move to challenge stereotypes that it somehow makes him under the thumb or that he had to hand over his balls at the same time. And of course balls are where your source of masculinity really come from. Rather than, say, the personality trait that you see your wife as an equal and perhaps just prefer her last name.

I've always thought you'd just go with the better surname. Which one is least likely to draw laughs. But marriage, and then children, do bring up identity and the desire for each person's heritage to be represented.

A double-barrelled name seems like the most equal choice, although trust me as someone who has both parents surname in my name- it takes forever to write out forms! Also often the male surname is first and people end up just using that.

I'm not double barrelled but my second middle name is my father's surname, and my actual surname is my mothers. I saw the logic in this, having watched peers surname's change over the year as parents split up and new marriages formed. The idea that they had to have the male's surname always took precedent, even though in breakups men are least likely to stay as the main caregiver.

Even without marriage, children take the surname of their father.

I've always liked having the identity of both my parents within my name but still one surname. Schools did not understand though and tried to double barrel it, because god forbid I wasn't representing my father's name. I didn't understand why they cared, and became more proud of having my mother's name, hating the idea that she was somehow less important.

So, mix together your surnames. It's quite fun trying the various options.

It's a non-gendered choice and you have created a surname from both of you for any chilldren.

You may just want to do this for your children, having seen how much time and money it takes to change everything. The two of you might just be not be bothered enough!

Have any of you done this already? What was the reaction? And how has suggesting it as an idea been?

Ps can we please also just get rid of the term 'maiden name'.

#marriage #Identity #games